Hon. Rayna Gokli (Ret.)

(Gokli Dispute Resolution)

1) What inspired you to pursue a career in law?

My path to a legal career was less of a straight line and more of a confused zigzag. I did not always know that I wanted to be a lawyer. I studied broadcast journalism in undergrad and knew fairly quickly that I wanted to get a graduate degree.  After researching options, I decided to go to law school. My parents will be disappointed to learn that mid-way through law school I considered dropping out because I could not imagine what my career in law would look like. However, I stuck it out and graduated.  It was only after I got my first job as a prosecutor in rural Colorado that I realized how much I loved working as a lawyer.

2) How is your role as a mediator different from being a judge? 

The biggest difference is who owns the outcome.  As a judge, I was tasked with making the final call, but I quickly learned that for most parties winning in court rarely equates to winning in real life.  I spent years watching people seek closure through the judicial process, only to leave disappointed when a legal standard could not fix a human problem.  I love the creative freedom of mediation; it allows us to work together to find “outside the box” solutions.  The transition from being a decision-maker to a facilitator means that, instead of leaving the room with a court order that the parties will likely resent, they leave with a roadmap for the future that they built themselves.

3) What do you enjoy most about mediation? 

As a natural extrovert, I thrive on the interactions that mediation allows me to have with people.  Additionally, I have really enjoyed connecting with lawyers and parties on a personal level. I love hearing about people’s families and sharing about mine without keeping the formality of a judge/lawyer relationship.

4) What is the most challenging part of your job?

Coming from the bench, the biggest challenge has been the lack of a script.  Court hearings are extremely structured, but mediation is delightfully, although sometimes exhaustingly, fluid.  I have had to trade my rulebook for my instincts.  It is a challenge to meet total strangers and, within minutes, try to sense when to push and when to give them space.  I’ve learned that the most effective tool for ‘reading the room” is genuine empathy.  When I acknowledge that the party is the one in the driver’s seat, the tension starts to dissipate.

5) What does APABA mean to you?  What is your favorite APABA memory? 

To me, APABA is more than a professional network; it is my family and friends.  My favorite memory is bringing my daughter to an APABA food drive when she was five years old.  While the adults were doing much of the heavy lifting, a squad of kids, including my daughter, was in charge of the smaller boxes.  Watching her have the time of her life while learning the value of giving back is something I will always treasure.  APABA is unique because there are many events that families can participate in.  Of course, I would remiss if I did not give a shout out to the annual APABA gala.  I met one of my best friends at an APABA gala in 2014!

6) What advice do you have for attorneys and law students? 

 If you are feeling immense pressure to know what you want to do when you grow up . . . take a breath! My own career has been a series of unexpected turns.  I went from a transactional-law-hopeful who was terrified of public speaking to a rural prosecutor, then a judge, and now a mediator.   I did not start any of these roles seeking to have the next one.  As a prosecutor, I learned that I loved public speaking and the courtroom.  As a judge, I learned that I enjoyed  helping parties find common ground even more.  Each shift happened because I allowed my career to evolve alongside my interests.  My advice is to stay curious because the best parts of your career might be the ones that are not in your plans.

7) What do you like to do for fun?

I used to have hobbies like traveling and reading books that were not about trains or princesses. Now, I spend my free time practicing advanced negotiation between my two children, analyzing how to get enough sleep to function, and mastering high-stakes meal prepping. It is a different kind of adventure, but the rewards are much better

8) What song have you had on replay recently? 

Ordinary by Alex Warren.  This song popped up on our music app last year and our four-year-old son loves it! It makes me smile to hear him sing along.

9) Do you have any book or podcast recommendations? 

I love any book where I can get lost in the story, particularly historical fiction set in India or Africa.  My favorite recent read is Demon Copperhead by Barbara Kingsolver.  My all-time favorite novel is Homegoing by Yaa Gyasi.